Talk about your grief and how you feel with your partner. If you find it hard to talk, write your thoughts down before you share them. Caring family and friends can also help you work through your grief, even if they don’t understand what you’re going through or how you’re feeling.
Unhealthy ways to cope with grief include working too much, using alcohol or other drugs, spending time away from home or your partner, or withdrawing from your partner. Try to stay away from these behaviors and talk about your grief when you can. It can take time to learn to cope in healthy ways.
You might also want professional support or to go to a support group. Many parents find talking to other people who have been through a loss helps them learn more about their own grief. Support groups will give you the chance to meet parents who know and understand how you feel.
A multiple pregnancy is unique as parents form strong bonds with the babies and think how the siblings would have been together. You may be grieving for more than one baby and/or the loss of a sibling.
When one or more babies survive, you may feel a mix of different feelings including worry for your continuing pregnancy and grief for your loss. It can be confusing when being excited about your new baby reminds you of the lost moments with a sibling. Even though you may have a pregnancy that continues, you may feel sad about the loss and anxiety about the baby who is continuing to survive. It might help to go to a support group or get counselling.
“One of the hardest parts for me was knowing our babies wouldn’t play together. I want my son to know about his twin that we lost.”
Recurrent pregnancy loss is when a woman has had 2 or more pregnancy losses (not including ectopic or molar pregnancies). This happens to about 1% of women and the cause is unknown about half of the time. Known causes may include genetic concerns, uterus problems, immune system problems, infections, environmental concerns, and many other factors. Many women who have recurrent losses are able to have babies. Talk to your family doctor to learn more about testing and options.
Current as of: August 18, 2017
Author: Women’s Health, Alberta Health Services
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