This information will help you think about the kind of relationship you have with your partner.
Sharing feelings |
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Healthy | Both partners feel safe and secure enough to tell each other how they feel. |
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Unhealthy | Partners feel awkward or scared and don't tell each other how they feel. |
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Abusive | One partner is afraid to tell the other how they feel. They’re scared their partner will make them feel bad, threaten them, or hurt them.
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Communication
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Healthy | Both partners listen to and respect each other's points of view. They speak kindly to each other and about each other.
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Unhealthy | Partners don’t tell each other how they really feel. One or both partners don't respect the other’s opinions. Partners talk rudely to each other or about each other. |
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Abusive | One partner uses their words to hurt the other. They ignore the other person's ideas, opinions, and feelings or make fun of them. |
Decision-making
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Healthy | Both partners make decision together. Both partners take responsibility for their feelings and actions.
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Unhealthy | One partner doesn't share in decision-making. One or both partners don't take responsibility for their feelings and actions.
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Abusive | One partner won’t let the other make decisions. One or both partners blame the other for their feelings or actions. There is a pattern of verbal or psychological control. Examples are controlling money, damaging belongings, or threatening to hurt or kill. The abuse may be getting worse. |
Disagreements |
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Healthy | The partners disagree, but still talk respectfully to each other. They work things out together, so they both get what they need. |
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Unhealthy | Disagreements often turn into fights.
Instead of being talked about and dealt with respectfully, problems are avoided.
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Abusive | One partner is afraid to disagree because they don't want the other person to get angry and violent. The disagreement is an excuse for abuse. Violence, threats, name-calling, or manipulation are used to deal with problems.
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Intimacy and sex |
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Healthy | Both partners can be honest about how they feel about being physical and having sex. Neither partner feels pressured to do anything they don't want to do. |
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Unhealthy | Partners are embarrassed to say how they feel or what they need. Feeling embarrassed makes the person go along with things that make them uncomfortable. |
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Abusive | One partner ignores the other person's needs and wants. One partner forces the other to do things that make them uncomfortable, afraid, or ashamed. |
Time apart
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Healthy | Both partners feel good about spending time alone and time together. They know it’s part of a healthy relationship. |
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Unhealthy | One partner thinks there may be something wrong if the other person wants to do things without them. One partner tries to limit the other’s activities.
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Abusive | One partner doesn't let the other do things on their own because they feel it threatens the relationship. |
Self-image
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Healthy | Partners have good self-esteem. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Having good self-esteem means you believe you are a good person. |
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Unhealthy | One or both partners have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem means you question how good you are.
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Abusive | One or both partners feel ashamed of who they are. |
Tips for healthy relationship
- Have your own friendships and interests.
- Understand and respect your rights and limits, and the rights and limits of others.
- Practice healthy communication by speaking kindly to one another, listening, and respecting each other's points of view.
- Know that violence is never OK and is not the fault of the victim.
- Remember it’s OK to ask for help.
Dealing with conflict
All relationships, in-person or online, have some conflict. Disagreeing gives you a chance to show your feelings and to learn about others. Disagreeing is a problem if you’re fighting all the time, if someone says or does hurtful things, or if there’s violence.
If you're having a conflict:
- Stay calm.
- Don't blame.
- Address the problem.
- Take a break.
Abusive relationships are dangerous. Abuse can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, social, mental, or spiritual. Controlling money, damaging belongings, or threatening to hurt or kill a person or pet is all abuse. Communication that’s intended to scare people, name-calling, and threats are abusive.
Domestic violence is a health issue. Your healthcare provider may talk with you about healthy relationships and ask if unhealthy relationships, domestic violence, or abuse are a part of your life.
It’s not always easy to know that you’re in an unhealthy relationship or that you’re having sex you don’t want. If you have questions or aren't sure, talk to your healthcare provider or call one of the services below.
No one deserves to be the victim.
For support anytime, day or night, you can contact:
If this is an emergency, call
911. If you’ve been sexually assaulted, strangled, injured, or have other serious health problems, go to the nearest urgent care centre or emergency department.
