What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is threats or violent behaviour in a personal relationship. It can happen between past or current partners or spouses. It's also called domestic violence or intimate partner violence.

Domestic abuse can affect people of any gender, ethnic group, race, or religion. It can affect teens, adults, or the elderly. And it can happen to people who are gay, straight, rich, or poor. But most abuse victims are women.

Abusers use fear, bullying, and threats to control their partners. They control what their partners do, where they go, or who they see. They may act jealous, controlling, or possessive. These early signs of abuse may happen soon after the start of the relationship. Sometimes it can be hard to notice abuse at first. But after the relationship becomes more serious, the abuse may get worse.

If you are being abused in your relationship, it's important to get help. The abuse is not your fault, and you don't have to face it alone.

Be careful

It may not be safe to take home domestic abuse information like this handout. Some people ask a trusted friend to keep it for them. It's also important to plan ahead and to memorize the phone number of places you can go for help. If you are concerned about your safety, do not use your computer, smartphone, or tablet to read about domestic abuse.

What are the types of domestic abuse?

Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is a pattern of threats, insults, or controlling behaviour. It includes verbal abuse. It goes beyond healthy disagreements in a relationship. It's a sign of an unhealthy relationship, and it may be against the law.

Do you feel threatened, intimidated, or controlled? Does your partner threaten your children, other family members, or pets?

Does your partner:

• Use jokes meant to embarrass or shame you?
• Call you names?
• Tell you that you are a bad parent or threaten to take away your children?
• Threaten to have you or your family members deported?
• Control your access to money or other basic needs?
• Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?

Another form of emotional abuse is denying that it is happening. Or the abuser may act like the abuse is no big deal or is your fault.

Sexual abuse

With sexual abuse, abusers may try to convince or force you to have sex. They may force you into sex acts you're not comfortable with. Or they may sexually assault you. Sexual abuse can happen even if you are in a committed relationship.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse means that a partner hits, kicks, or physically hurts you. Physical abuse that starts with a slap might lead to kicking, shoving, and choking over time. The abuser may also threaten to hurt or kill you.

What problems can domestic abuse lead to?

Domestic abuse can be very dangerous. It can cause serious, repeated injury. It can even lead to death.

All forms of abuse can cause long-term health problems from the stress of a violent relationship. Verbal abuse can lead to sexual and physical abuse.

Abuse causes emotional pain, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress. Sexual abuse can lead to sexually transmitted infections (including HIV/AIDS) and unplanned pregnancy.

Pregnancy can be a very dangerous time for people in abusive relationships. Pregnant people who are abused may have anemia, infections, bleeding, or poor weight gain. Abuse during this time may also increase your baby's risk of low birth weight, premature birth, and death.

It can be hard for some victims of domestic abuse to ask for help or to leave their relationship. You may feel scared, stuck, or not sure what steps to take. But it's important not to ignore abuse. Talking to someone could be the first step to ending the abuse and taking care of your own health and happiness again.

Where can you get help?

Talk to a trusted friend. Find a local advocacy group, or talk to your doctor about the abuse.

Check your local phone book or provincial website for resources on getting help in your area. There are many programs across the country that provide options for safety, advocacy, support, and needed information and services. Contact your local police department, hospital, or clinic for information about shelters and safe homes near you.

Domestic violence groups or a counsellor in your area can help you make a safety plan for yourself and your children.

When to call for help

Call 911 anytime you think you may need emergency care. For example, call if:

• You think that you or someone you know is in danger of being abused.
• You have been hurt and can't have someone safely take you to emergency care.
• You have just been abused.
• A family member has just been abused.