Your child will learn by watching and doing what you do. They learn how to look after themselves, build relationships, solve problems, handle emotions (feelings), and care for others by seeing how you respond.
Your emotions affect what you do and say. They affect your child too. For example, anger is a common human emotion. You may feel angry sometimes when your child whines, talks rudely, or doesn’t do what you ask. If you react to anger by yelling, using harsh words, or calling them names, it affects your child. They’ll also learn to do the same when they’re angry.
What you do and say when you’re angry is important to your relationship and to how your child learns to express their anger. When you practice managing your feelings in healthy ways, your child learns these skills too.
Take a few deep breaths. This helps you to calm yourself and think about how you will respond, rather than just reacting.
Have a “quiet” area in your home. Create a place where you or your child can go to when you’re upset. While you’re in this quiet place, you may want to try some calming activities. Examples of calming activities include:
Help your child learn to solve problems. These steps can help you get started:
Think about how you talk to your child. When you’re angry, calling your child names (like stupid, bad, or selfish) can lead to:
Using negative words about your child can also hurt your relationship with your child. Instead, flip the negative to positive. Ask for the positive behaviour you want to see rather than the one you don’t. For example, change “You are so rude.” to “Please speak politely to me.” or “How can you be so selfish?” to “Please share that with your sister.”
Current as of: March 26, 2021
Author: Mental Health Screening & Early Identification, Alberta Health Services
This material is not a substitute for the advice of a qualified health professional. This material is intended for general information only and is provided on an "as is", "where is" basis. Although reasonable efforts were made to confirm the accuracy of the information, Alberta Health Services does not make any representation or warranty, express, implied or statutory, as to the accuracy, reliability, completeness, applicability or fitness for a particular purpose of such information. Alberta Health Services expressly disclaims all liability for the use of these materials, and for any claims, actions, demands or suits arising from such use.