Having a person in the ICU is very hard on families. This can be especially true for the partner and children of the person who is ill.

Your partner is in the ICU

If your partner is very ill in the ICU, you may feel alone. It’s OK to ask for help. There are many people who are available to support you.

Family and friends

Social worker

You may be worried about money if you no longer have your partner’s income or you need time off work at this difficult time. A social worker at the hospital may be able to help you:

• Apply for disability (if needed).
• Complete forms such as insurance, sick leave, and others.
• Manage financial concerns, including parking and cheaper local hotel rates.
• Find out of there are other services you need or are eligible for.

Spiritual care

When your partner is ill and can’t support you like they usually do, you’ll need someone to talk to. Talk to another family member or a close friend. If you don’t feel like you can, you can talk to the ICU staff. A spiritual care team member can be called to come to sit and talk with you, discuss your ongoing concerns, and provide support.

Helping your child

Your child will be worried and scared if a parent or a close family member is in the ICU. Be honest. Explain what’s happening in a way that they can understand. How much and what you tell them depends on their age and why their loved one is in the ICU.

Your child may or may not want to visit the bedside. Check with staff before bringing your child to the unit, and talk to your child about what they’ll see, such as the ICU equipment and how their loved one may look.

Try these tips to help your child cope:

• Talk about your loved one’s stay in the ICU and tell your child it’s OK to talk about it.
• Tell your child what’s going on and answer their questions in the best way you can. If you don’t know what’s going to happen, try to tell them something they can understand, for example, “Daddy is very sick, but the ICU team is doing everything they can to help him.”
• Keep to your child’s usual routine and activities as much as possible.
• Encourage your child to keep a diary. They could write what happened each day and include pictures if they would like to.
• Tell your child’s teacher, coach, and any other adults in your child’s life that someone close to them is in intensive care.

Once the loved one is out of the ICU, your child may need help dealing with what happened. This can take time. Let your child ask questions. Ask them how they felt during that time. If your child is very young, they can draw pictures or act out what happened.

Children may ask direct questions. Sometimes the person who’s been ill doesn’t feel strong enough to cope with this. You or another family member or friend can talk to your child about their experiences and feelings. It may also help your child to speak to a counsellor or therapist.