After a suicide, each person grieves in their own way and at their own pace. There isn’t a normal or right way to grieve.
Thoughts and feelings you may have
There are some common thoughts and feelings you may have as you try to make sense of a loss. After a suicide you may feel:
- sad
- guilty
- numb
- shocked
- in denial (you can’t accept what happened)
- angry
- ashamed
- confused
- lonely
You may feel grief in your body and notice that you:
- feel tired and weak
- get headaches
- have sleep problems
- feel very hungry or not hungry at all
You may also notice changes in your thinking such as:
- trouble concentrating
- racing thoughts
- feeling distracted
- forgetting things
- questioning your beliefs, faith, or spirituality
Grieving takes time
Losing someone by suicide is painful and often unexpected. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. You may feel numb and in shock for the first few weeks or longer. Over time, your thoughts and feelings will change as you go through your grief. You’ll feel a lot of pain some days and less pain as time passes. It’s common to have setbacks as you work through your grief.
Finding the answers
Grief can be harder to deal with when a death is sudden, and you don’t have a chance to say goodbye. You’ll likely search for reasons why this happened. As you work through your grief, you may begin to accept not having the answers to all your questions.
Good days and bad days
You may still feel pain and loss after several months and longer. You'll have good days and bad days. You may feel grief in sudden and unexpected ways. Grieving can be complicated by negative beliefs and attitudes that may exist about suicide (called stigma).
Sometimes coping with the loss will feel harder, such as on the anniversary of the death, birthdays, and holidays. You may also have stronger feelings in the weeks leading up to these days. Places, activities, personal items, or people connected to the person who died can trigger feelings of grief.
Other times, you may remember happy memories, feel hopeful, and notice that it feels easier to manage your feelings and daily activities.
Reaching out
As time goes on, friends and family might not ask how you're doing as often. Remember that it's OK to ask family, friends and your community supports for help. Let them know you want to talk or to spend time together.
Self-care
Grief takes energy. Be kind to yourself when you can’t do the things you think you should do. At first, it might take all your energy to get through the day, especially if you have to care for others, deal with issues in your life, or make arrangements after the death.
Here are some tips for taking care of yourself:
- Be patient with yourself and the grieving process. Your energy and coping will change day to day. The more you care for yourself and go at a pace that matches your energy, the better you'll be able to get through each day.
- Let people know when you don't have the energy to connect or talk, and then reconnect once you feel able to. Use alone time to do something that is soothing to you. Examples could be planning a future event, meditating, praying, smudging, writing in a journal, doing physical activity, eating and resting regularly, doing something creative, spending time in nature, or going to a place that brings you comfort.
- Connect with people who make you feel safe and support you. This might include family and friends, or cultural, community, spiritual, or faith supports. Peer support groups and professional support can also help.
- Accept help. Don't be afraid to get support from community and people in your life when it is available. It can be helpful to tell people what you need. People often want to help, but sometimes they don't know what to say or do until you share with them. Beyond emotional support, this might include practical supports like childcare, help with household tasks and errands, or cooking.
- Express your feelings and give yourself time to heal.
