​​​​​​​​​Children need the love and support of trusted adults when someone they know dies by suicide. 

This information can help you talk to your child about a suicide so you can support them in their grief. It's for parents and caregivers, but it can also help other trusted adults support a child who is grieving.

Note: "Child and children" in this information mean children of all ages, from very young children to teens.

Tell the truth as soon as possible

Children can learn about a suicide in many ways. They might:

• overhear adults talking
• find out on the news or social media
• hear it from their peers (people their own age)

• Talk openly and honestly about the suicide death.
  
• Tell the child as soon as possible. It's best they hear it from someone they trust and not other children or social media.
  
• Find a place to talk that’s quiet, comfortable, private, and where the child feels safe to express their feelings.
• Make sure you have plenty of time. Choose a time when you don’t have other things to do.

Keep it simple, and use words they understand

​It can be confusing and hard for people of any age when someone close to them dies by suicide. Finding the right words isn’t easy, but it’s important that children understand what you tell them.

Use age-appropriate, simple, direct language. Use the words "death" and "died."

For example, you could say:

• "They died by suicide. Suicide means that they caused their own death."
• "They made their body stop working."

If you find it’s too hard for you to explain death and suicide, ask a friend or family member to be with you when you talk to your child.

Answer their questions

Children may ask a lot of questions to help them understand suicide, such as, "Why didn’t they want to live?" Answer these questions as best you can using simple words that they understand. 

Tell your child you don’t have all the answers, but you’re always there to talk and listen. Remind them they can talk about it and ask you questions. Children will tell you what they need to know. You only need to answer what they ask you.

Show your feelings

Children learn how to manage grief by watching adults. It’s OK for them to see you upset, confused, and not know what to do. When they see how you feel, it helps them understand that their feelings are normal and OK.

​Remember grief can be different for children

Children grieve in different ways than adults because they don’t understand death the same way. Children grieve in bits and pieces. They may not be able to handle strong feelings for a long time. They tend to have many different feelings and reactions.

Children take breaks from their grief by doing their regular day-to-day activities. They often express their feelings through how they act (behaviours) rather than words. Children may react to death by:

• becoming very attached or clingy
• ​having trouble sleeping or eating
• acting younger than they are (immature)
• acting out (misbehaving)

Help them find healthy ways to express themselves through art, activity, and play.

Children understand things differently as they get older. For example, teens may become withdrawn and not want to talk. Respect their need for personal space, but gently remind them that you are there if they need you.

Give reassurance

Let your child know that you and others will still take care of them. This lets them focus on their own grief. ​

Get help and support

Children need a lot of support and comfort when someone they know dies. It can be hard to support your grieving child when you are also grieving. 

If you need help and support, talk to someone you trust or get help from a mental health therapist or a suicide grief support group. By getting support, you’ll be better able to support your child during this hard time. Other examples of supports include:

• your primary healthcare provider, such as a doctor or nurse
• a bereavement program in your community
• a counselling service
• friends and family members
• a faith group​​​

Remember

• You can only do your best. Do what you can, when you can. Be gentle with yourself.
• ​There is more than one way to support your child in grief. Choose what feels most comfortable for you.
• You don’t need to be an expert to give good support.
• Get help if you or your child needs help to manage feelings after a suicide.