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After Your Miscarriage

A partner’s grief

Men and women may go through pregnancy loss differently because the bond with the baby is different. In the early stages, the father or partner may experience the pregnancy through the mother’s eyes. As the pregnancy develops they can feel more involved and become more attached. A mother often connects with the baby as soon as she knows she’s pregnant. The difference in attachment can affect how parents grieve.

Pregnancy loss affects both parents, but a partner’s grief is often missed. It can be hard to understand or relate to your partner in your grief. This is normal. Try not to judge each other’s reactions.

Friends and family may expect fathers or partners to be strong, so they may only ask how the mother is doing. This can make partners feel like they should hide their grief or like they aren’t allowed to grieve. Most partners feel excited about the pregnancy too. A pregnancy loss can cause a loss of hope and the joy of being a new parent. This can make the partner feel:

  • sad
  • angry
  • helpless
  • a sense of failure
  • powerless

In some cases, feelings about a previous loss can resurface. As a partner, it’s OK to talk to others about how you feel, especially with your partner.

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