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Headache researchers Drs. Penzien and Rains suggest the SOLVE Problems Approach as a way for people with headaches to deal with stress. For each event that causes stress, try this approach.
Here is an example of a stressful event and what using the SOLVE approach might look like. Imagine you have a 14-year old son who you often fight with about breaking his curfew.
I get very upset when my son keeps breaking his curfew.
I’ve tried to be generous with setting a curfew for my son, but he often comes in 1 hour late. When this happens and I try to talk to him about it, we both get very upset, raise our voices, and nothing is resolved. I usually get a headache afterwards.
Positive: We might come up with a solution that works for both of us.
Negative: My son might see talking as a waste of time and not take it seriously.
Positive: This might really help. If my son's friends have much later curfews, he might feel left out. Maybe I could adjust his curfew.
Negative: The other parents might not want to talk about this with me. My son might resent me for calling the parents.
Positive: This could help me keep track of where he is without interfering too much with his plans.
Negative: My son might turn off his phone and I won’t be able to talk to him anyway. He could also have a big phone bill.
I chose all 3 solutions. I talked to the other parents and found the other boys could stay out an hour later. I talked to my son and decided to extend his curfew so it’s the same. I will get him a cell phone and he’s promised to leave it on and call me when he’s out. He also promised to be home on time.
